Sora's Magical Diary of Rainbows and Happiness!
by SilverWingedRaven
Summary: Sora got a diary! Yay! And he's very stupid, cute, stupid, girly, stupid, and oh yeah, stupid! Let's see what this mentally unstable little boy writes in this diary, shall we? R&R it'll make you laugh!
1. Birthday Murder Mystery

**A/N: First of all, thank you for deciding to read this unreasonably long titled fic. And yes, it's another diary one. But despite what the title says, the diary is not magic nor does it spew rainbows and happiness. In fact, the inner workings of Sora's mind are so cute and innocent, it may disturb you enough to induce vomiting and suicidal thoughts or actions. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my creativity and Mr. Whiskers :)**

4/25/2012

HI!

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! It's my BIRTHDAY! Yay! And my awesome friend Naminé got me this super awesome diary! DOUBLE YAY! When I got it though, it was a deep blue, which was nice I guess, but I just had to make it even better. So, I got some feathers, pink paint and some glitter and now it's GLITTER-TASTIC! Seriously, it looks like a beautiful unicorn barfed it's magical bile all over it! Hehe, now it matches my bedroom!

Also, Riku gave me this huge package of Sharpies. I don't really like Sharpies but I REALLY like Riku, so I'm using them to write in my new diary and now my diary smells AWESOME! I am feeling a little light headed though…

Ok… so I just passed out and when I looked at the clock I realized it was almost six o'clock! It was like, 1 when I was last conscious! Oh no, I think someone's out to get me! They knocked me out on my birthday; I'll bet they thought they killed me! But why would someone wanna hurt me? My mommy is always saying how sweet, cute, fun, and nice I am. Then again, she also mentions how loud and hyperactive I am and how I need to 'sit still' and 'keep quiet' and 'stop freaking out the cat'.

Speaking of the cat, Mr. Whiskers, he was really mean to me this morning. He was clawing at my ankles and hissing at me for no reason! All I did was come downstairs this morning and scream for a few minutes when I saw my friends and birthday presents in the living room. Also, I beat the poo out of this big scary orange caterpillar. It was the same length as Mr. Whiskers' tail. And the same color. Weird.

Gasp! Maybe it was Mr. Whiskers that tried to kill me! But how could he? He's just a cat. Double gasp! What if my mommy was his accomplice! I did kind of have an accident on her carpet from being so surprised this morning… but that's not my fault! My emotions control everything about me, including my bladder!

OK, so I just got back from interrogating my mommy and this is what it was like:

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: How could you, mommy? I thought you loved me! Was I not good enough for you? What's wrong with me?

Axel: What the heck are you talking about?

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: oh, sorry Axel, I thought you were my mommy.

Axel: What the- (punches me in the face)

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Owie! Axie, why'd you do that?

Axel: One, don't call me Axie and two, YOU JUST SAID I LOOKED LIKE YOUR MOTHER!

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: No, I said I thought you were my mommy.

Axel: They mean the SAME THING! Tch, just get away from me.

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Okie-Dokie, bye bye Axie!

Ok, so I wasn't exactly interrogating my mom. Turns out, she wasn't even there at the time! She was out buying me a CAKE! I LOVE CAKE! Ooh, I hope it's chocolate! Or strawberry! Or vanilla! Or marble! Or red velvet! Or some other flavor! I just hope she gets back QUICK!

Gasp! What if she poisoned the cake in another attempt to murder me! I need someone to protect me! So, I just told everyone at my party and they agreed to help me!

Alright, now my brother Roxas is reading over my shoulder and is telling me that I should write down what they actually said.

Axel: If that's the case, I wish your mom luck. Now get away from me before I punch you again.

Roxas: (facepalms) How could I be related to someone as dumb as you? Just go play with some crayons or something.

Demyx: (Didn't hear me, he was too busy beating Kairi at Guitar Hero)

Kairi: (Couldn't hear me, she was too busy failing miserably at Guitar Hero)

Zexion: Sora, I don't think you're being completely rational about this…

Riku: Dude, your mom wouldn't do that too you. I think you need to lie down; All the apple juice is going to your head.

Now Roxas is scolding me for saying they would help when they said they wouldn't. And now he's scolding me for writing down everything that happens as it happens. Ok, he just facepalmed again and now he's walking away with his head bowed. He must be admiring his shoes. They are really nice shoes…

So, it turned out my mommy wasn't trying to kill me after all. After a bit of a performance with the cake (Me: ADMIT YOU POISONED IT OR ELSE! Mom: Sora, we all already tried some of the cake and we're fine. Now get that baseball bat away from Zexion!) I had some cake and realized it wasn't poisoned after all. And I also realized that Sharpies mess with your brain if you smell them and that's why I passed out; Because the scent of the Sharpies beat up my brain and made it make me go to sleep!

Lesson learned: Don't sniff Sharpies. And don't tell Axel he looks like your mom, even if your mom's really pretty.

**A/N: So how was that? Birthday murder mystery… Or just a stupid melodramatic kid and a pack of toxic markers. Whichever you prefer.**

**Good? Bad? Moderately disturbing? Tell me in a review! Or else Sora takes a Sharpie to the face O.o**


	2. Save the Trains!

**A/N: OMG you guys likey my story? All of your reviews make me super happy, thank you and keep it up!**

**Anyways, I hope you like Sora's next diary entry :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Thomas the Tank Engine.**

4/30/2012

I'm BAAAAAACK!

Hello diary, did you miss me? Because I missed yooouuu.

Pleasantries aside, I have stuff to tell you about! So much wonderful stuff! Stuff! Stuff. Stuff… Wow, I've said the word stuff so much it sounds weird now… Stuff… Sssstuuuuffff…Ssstuff?...Stuuuuuuff.

Ohmygosh I just lost my train of thought. Well not really lost it so much as it just crashed. And not a little crash, like a gigantic one! Like it just ran into a mountain at 100mph! And then it burst into flames and people were screaming and couldn't get out. But then, a beautiful phoenix swooped down and saved all of the children and brought them to a magical land of candy and sunshine and flowers. It didn't bother saving the adults because their time was almost up anyway and the kids are more important because they're like, the next generation and stuff. Stuff… Ssstuuufff. OH NO I'M STARTING AGAIN! ANOTHER TRAIN JUST CRASHED AND PEOPLE JUST DIED! I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!

##

Ok, so I just screamed that last part and Roxas lectured me about how I should think these things, not say them and how I can't magically make a train crash every time I lose focus and how I should use the bathroom BEFORE I start writing and have a break down for no reason. But after that I changed my pants and now I'm ready to write!

Ok, so now I'm going to tell you about the THINGS I did since I last wrote. (See? I didn't say stuff! … Darn it.)

So a few days ago, Riku, Axel, Demyx, Naminé, and I all played pirates! And it would've been absolutely WONDERFUL if Axel hadn't ruined it by being a MEANIE-HEAD!

So me and Riku were having a sword fight, but not with real swords, we used gigantic pixie sticks. And then out of nowhere, Axel snuck up behind me and grabbed me! And then Demyx took my pixie stick and chugged the WHOLE THING while Axel carried me off to his "ship". Of course we didn't actually have ships, so we used couches. Anyway, he sat on me and said I had been captured and was "in the brig". What the hack is a brig anyway? I think it might've been a dirty wordy because Axel's mean and says stuff like that.

Now Roxas is reading over my shoulder because he doesn't have a life.

He just hit me on the head because he doesn't have a life.

This is Roxas writing in Sora's diary because Sora's being a brat and needs someone to edit his thoughts just in case someone finds this pink, glittery, awesome smelling book in the distant future and for some strange reason decides to publish it.

Ok, I'm done reading over what Sora has written and I would like to say one thing: he was adopted. I am in no way shape or form related to the little mutant who wrote in the previous pages of this book. Just for the record.

##

It's me, Sora, and I have returned! Ignore what Roxas wrote because he's just jealous of how cute I am! I would erase his nasty-pants comments, but we're both writing in the sharpies Riku gave me that I mentioned earlier! They. Smell. Delicious. And. I. Am. So. Hungry. I'm gonna lick it and see what it tastes like! I'll bet it tastes like peaches and apples and sugar and chocolate combined into one!

Note to self, do not lick sharpies. They taste like poison and spoiled potatoes. Or would it be rotten potatoes? Oh well, point is it tastes like a farmer's trying to kill you.

Ohmygosh, I just realized something! A train couldn't really crash into a mountain, could it? Unless it like flew off the tracks first and- Wait a sec! Who even uses trains anymore? It's the 21st century, we have airplanes now! So I guess the term should be "I just lost my plane of thought" instead, shouldn't it? Or maybe "I just lost my rocket of thought" or "I just lost my missile of thought". Ohmygosh, what if in the future, trains don't exist at all and people say "I just lost my teleporter of thought" or "I just lost my rocket shoes of thought". Oh no! If trains no longer exist, then Thomas the Train will disappear! And he worked so hard for so many years to get famous, that isn't fair! Sir Tompham Hatt would be devastated. No, worse! He would be nothing without all of his beloved trains! He might have a nervous breakdown and DIE! And death is a bad thing! It makes people sad.

I have to save the trains! I'll do it for Sir Topham Hatt! I'll have to start by getting rid of all the scientists! Without scientists, we can't invent things and without inventions we can't replace trains! And Sir Topham Hatt will be ok and not dead! YAY NOT DEAD! Now to put my master plan into action… ! (insane giggling)

##

Ok, so I tried to get into a lab and hide all of the scientists in a closet, but they called the police and now I'm at the police station. They say I'm being charged with "breaking in entering". *sniffle sniffle* I DON'T WANNA GO TO JAIL; I'M NOT A BAD PERSON! I'M A GOOD BOY! SORA IS A GOOD BOY!

##

So I just broke down crying and started sobbing out the last part and it freaked the police guys out so they called my mommy and let me go home. But now I'm not allowed to save the trains because I'm grounded…

FREEDOM! Hehe, buh-bye for now my pretty pink diary!

**A/N: So, how was it? Sora got arrested. I'll bet you didn't see that coming.**

**Like? Hate? Tell me in a review!**


	3. Stalker Pony

**A/N: Oh my gosh! Only two chapters and this is already my second most reviewed story! Double digits! Thank you oh so much for reviewing and please enjoy this chapter! Oh, and the basic idea was from a reviewer. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! I'm not taking requests, I just liked the idea.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

5/2/12

HI DIARY I'M BACK!

And the scariest yet most wonderful thing happened to me! Ohmygosh it was so COOL!

So there I was, sitting in the living room watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I was watching and realized that Twilight Sparkle wasn't being a very friendly pony (unicorn), but she still had the most magical powers. THAT WAS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE TITLE SAID! But nothing was happening to change her attitude, so I thought, 'Hey, that's not cool how the TV show is contradicting itself' so I decided to call them up. And when I did, I told the guy on the other line all about my complaints, but he just said I need to watch past episode one and hung up on me! I wasn't going to waste my precious time watching a show with a sour pony (unicorn) as the star! So I decided to keep calling them and E-mailing them and texting them until they did something about it! I did that for three days straight, Diary! I didn't even sleep at all!

But then, late at night on the fourth day, this guy BROKE INTO MY HOUSE! It was so scary! He had a BREIFCASE! It was probably full of MURDER WEAPONS! Just like Mr. Whiskers' soul! And my mommy just LET HIM IN! She let him break into our house through the front door! And then he came up to me and asked if I was Sora. OHMYGOSH HE HAD BEEN STALKING ME! And then I was like 'aah, get away from me you stalker!' and I kicked him in the special square! The special square is that place that girls threaten to kick guys in `cuz they know we're sensitive there.

And then he doubled over in pain and I was all proud of myself. And then my mommy came running over and I thought she was gonna congratulate me and stuff, but instead she ASKED THE STALKER IF HE WAS OK! And then she hit me on the head! It really hurt and I started crying! I cried and ran up to my room where I would be safe from stalkers named 'dusk' (according to his name tag).

But then the stalker CAME INTO MY ROOM! And I was so scared; I curled up in a ball like my pet armadillo has been for the past two years and wished that he would go away.

BUT HE DIDN'T! he just shook me and said how he could sue me for 'kicking him in the nuts'. BUT I DIDN'T KICK ANY NUTS, HE HAD NO SNACKS WITH HIM! If he did, I would have smelled them.

But then he said that I can't barrage their company with angry, pointless texts and E-mails anymore. But then I yelled, "I WASN'T TEXTING YOUR CREEPY STALKER COMPANY, I WAS TEXTING THE RULERS OF EQUESTRIA!" And then he looked at me funny and left.

Oh and it turns out, his name wasn't Dusk, it was Darwin! Like that guy with the birds and the theory… OHMYGOSH MY STALKER IS A PONY IMPERSONATING SCIENTIST! I get it! He was seeking his revenge from when I tried to stop him from killing all of the trains!

Anyway, I'm tired and I need to change my pants from this crazy day. BYE BYE DIARY!

**A/N: Please review! I know it's short, but one little boy can only write so much in a pair of soiled pants…**


	4. The Rainbow Squad and Roxy's Phone

**A/N: I don't really have much to say… Don't sniff sharpies, kids. It's bad for you and I don't want your parents/legal guardians suing me. If you do sniff Sharpies, just play it off like it was some illegal drug that has nothing to do with me. Whoops, this story's rated k+… Pretend you didn't read that.**

5/7/12

HELLLLLOOOOO DIARY!

How are you today? Well that's good. I'm fine thank you! I had a great day today because I… Got to… OHMYGOSH Roxas is looking at me weird! Apparently I have a habit of saying everything I write really really loud and now he's yelling at me! OH ROXAS WHY ARE YOU SUCH A MEANIE? I'M SORRY FOR STEALING YOUR STUFF!

…Now he's all quiet and looking at me funny… AAHHH now he's yelling again! I'm gonna write down what he says so I can use it as evidence if he abuses me! But who would want to abuse someone as sweet and adorable as me?

"YOU TOOK MY STUFF? WTF SORA? WHAT DID YOU TAKE? WHERE DID YOU PUT IT? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TAKE MY STUFF? *gasp* DID YOU GO IN MY ROOM? Uh… That Axel plushie wasn't anything to be concerned of… What? You didn't see the Axel plushie? Oh, well uh… I don't have an Axel plushie, what are you talking about? You're crazy, Sora. NOW WHERE IS MY STUFF?"

…Why would Roxas lie and say he has an Axel plushie and then deny it? I don't get Roxas. Anyway, now I'm hiding in the bathroom because Roxas is scary and I didn't want him to hurt my beautiful face.

Now, about Roxas' stuff… I HAD to take it because I needed something for show and tell at school! Ok, since I'm a big, tough fifth grader there is no official show and tell, but I wanted to show my friends something so they would realize how awesome I am! I only needed to do that so they would be nice to me instead of saying 'get out of here loser' or just ignoring me whenever I come near them. I know that's how they show endearment or something, but I would like to actually have a conversation with my besties once in a while…

So, I took some random stuff from Roxy's room and took it to the playground the next day to show it off! And since Roxas is all the way in middle school already, anything of his had to be cool! So, I took out his phone and we all went through his text messages! I didn't think they made much sense, especially the really long one's from Axel, but my friends were really freaked out by it. They kept saying things like 'oh that's gross!' and 'that's so dirty' which didn't make any sense because his phone is clean and shiny.

##

Uh oh, so my mom was just on the phone with some people and now she's yelling at Roxas for something about his phone. Oh no! What if that was my friends' parents saying how gross looking Roxy's phone is! Gasp, that means he's grounded all because of me!

Okay, my friends just texted me saying that they don't wanna ever see me again because of the phone thing. Darn it… Now I don't have any friends except for Riku, Naminé, and you, Diary!

This is awful! I don't know what to do! If I don't have friends, what am I supposed to do at recess? And who can I talk to at lunch? I can't talk to `Ku and Nami at lunch or play with them at recess because they have to go to extra GT classes and eat there…

OHMYGOSH Diary, your sparkly and colorful cover just gave me an idea! I should form THE RAINBOW SQUAD! They could be my friends when Riku and Naminé aren't around! And there could be one of us for each color of the rainbow! We could spread happiness and glitter and Sharpies wherever we go! Like SUPER HEROS! Don't you think that'd be great? Oh I'm so glad you agree, Diary! Then we should hold tryouts! We could do it this weekend in my garage! Oh, I'm so excited! I'm gonna put up flyers and send out chain E-mails about it, and they'll all be colorful and sparkly and have pictures of GIANT CUPCAKES with pink frosting and sprinkles shaped like unicorns! OHMYGOSH I would WORSHIP that cupcake! It would be called Lord CupyCakerton and I would make him a shrine and it would be pink and glossy and covered in lace! Because everyone knows that cupcakes LOVE lace!

*yawn* Well I'm getting tired. I can't wait to form The Rainbow Squad this weekend. Good night, Diary! You smell so nice and relaxing, you always put me to sleep…

**A/N: I was actually thinking about making a separate fic for the rainbow squad. Auditions might be in that fic or this one or both. Just keep your eyes peeled for it! And I might want to throw in some OCs in the rainbow squad; So if you want yours in, just PM me their details and I will judge if they are worthy ;)**

**Please review!**


	5. MY THOUGHTS ARE SCARING MEEEEEE!

**A/N: I'm baaaaaack! And guess what? I have a super awesome chapter just for you! You see, this is the product of a sugar filled psychotic teenager! Yay caffeine!**

Numbers/numbers/2012

Heeeeelllllloooooo my sweet diary! Papa has returned to you… SHARPIES ABLAZE!

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about how my life has been since I last talked to you/wrote on your guts!

Ok, first of all diary… I think I might have… BRAIN PROBLEMS! *gasp* I know, it's sooooo shocking! But I can't remember the date! That's why at the top I wrote 'Numbers/numbers/2012' instead of the actual numbers! Isn't that CRAAAAAAZZZYYYY?

Anyway, moving on from that, my mommy had to give Mr. Whiskers away! I miss him sooo much! He would always try to give my legs big hugs! Except he kept forgetting to put his claws away so it hurt my little leggies and left boo-boos. BUT I STILL MISS HIM! He was cute and small… And he had a big green eye and an even bigger blue one! But Roxas was always telling me that 'it's not normal for a cat to have two different colored eyes.' And that it meant they 'had problems and were probably feral.' Well guess what, Roxas, I DON'T KNOW WHAT FERAL MEANS! And it had better not be another bad word or I'm telling mommy!

Speaking of Mommy, she has been staying home a lot lately. She has been sitting on the couch all day and eating ice cream. And she's started talking to the magical box with moving pictures. I walked in on her doing that yesterday and it went something like this:

Mommy: No Brian, you can't leave her! She loves you!

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Who's Brian, Mommy?

Mommy: Shut up, Roxas, I'm trying to watch T.V. Jessica, you stay away from him! Brian belongs to Stella!

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Mommy, I'm Sora! And who are Stella and Jessica! Ohmygosh, are they my long lost sisters?!

Mommy: *Starts crying* No Brian, it's a trap! Jessica doesn't love you; she just hates Stella for being prettier than her!

SWEETBUNDLEOFJOY: Mommy are you ok? Speak to me! Speak to me and tell me who Stella is!

Mommy:*Gobbles down ice cream* Brain you idiot! You should've stayed away from Jessica! Now you've shattered Stella's heart! *cries*

So now I think that the magic box has mind controlled Mommy and is making her stay home when she's supposed to be going to work and stuff.

On a totally unrelated topic, the water stopped running in the house. Uh oh, maybe the pipes are mad because we flush our poo-poos down them when we go potty. If that's the case, then I'm never going to go poo-poo ever again! YOU HEAR ME, BUTT? NEVER EVER AGAIN EVER!

So now I'm all sad because so many bad things are happening to me all of a sudden! My eyes are crying! They are crying so much, I think they're drowning all the invisible pixies that live on my adorable face! And now my face is all red with pixie blood and it's not cute anymore! WAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Roxas just came in and is patting me on the shoulder telling me it'll be ok. Then he said something about the 'economy' and Mommy being 'let go' which is stupid because I sent a bunch of my invisible pixies to hug her forever and they still haven't let go. And what's an 'economy'? It sounds like some kind of disease! Like the kind that would give you gross purple blotches and a fever and a runny nose and cancer and stuff! Now I'm scared of the word economy! It sounds scarier than… SOMETHING NOT COLORFUL! Something like… THE SIDEWALK! Because the sidewalk is a terrifying creature! I got stuck to it once because I stepped on a piece of gum!

#flashback time! :3 #

"AAAHH! Roxas help! I'm stuuuuuuck!" Sora cried tugging on his left leg.

"Hurry up Sora, we're gonna be late. And if I get one more tardy, I get detention." Roxas ordered without even turning around.

"But Roxas! I… I can't MOVE!"

"Your loss."

"NOOOOOOO!" Sora cried, reaching to grab Roxas only to find he was just out of reach. He then fell to the ground, his foot still stuck to the ground. He lay there for the rest of the day, sobbing loudly and grabbing at anyone's ankles that passed.

#flashback over :C #

That was the WORST TUESDAY OF MY LIFE! And then the exact same thing happened again on Thursday! And it was THE WORST THURSDAY OF MY LIFE!

AAAAHHHH now I'm all scared because I kept remembering scary things! And remembering scary things makes you SCAAAAAAARED! So now I'm gonna go cuddle with my Rainbow Dash plushie and have beautiful dreams about magical unicorns and cupcakes and flowers and MOOSE! Because moose are like unicorns with winter jackets and a double horn!

Bye bye diary! Sweet dreams!

**A/N: Ok… The sugar started to wear off near the end there. Anyway, please review!**


	6. The Sparkles Hurt My Looking Holes

**A/N: I'm feeling bored and sparkly today, so how about an update? Thank goodness my brain is a professional rainbow spew-er!**

**Oh, and if you haven't read 'The Rainbow Squad' I suggest you go read it because this won't make much sense otherwise! And thank you RNSVCZ for the idea to do this!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. TT^TT**

5/28/12

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi HI! I am like, sooooo super happy right now diary! And the best part is I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY! Hehehe exclamation points are fuuuuuuuuunnnn!

Oh wait, maybe I do know why I'm happy, but Mr. Brain forgot to tell me! Mr. Brain that big old meanie!

Roxas just said 'Mr. Brain' (with the air quotes) was a midget. OMG I have a midget living in my heeeaaadd!

…Roxy just ran out of the room again. WHY YOU NO LOVE ME, ROXY? Oh well, he doesn't even matter anymore because I have A BUNCH OF NEW PALS!

Like this one girl I met named WISH! OMG it's just like wishing on a shooting star except she isn't made of words and she doesn't tackle stars. AND SHE HAS REALLY LONG BLUE HAIR! And when I say really long I mean really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY LONG!

Okay, maybe it's not THAT long, but it's still long and blue! In fact, she let me put glitter in her hair and it looked all sparkly and magical! But when she twirled around, a bunch of glitter flew EVERYWHERE and it ATTACKED MY LOOKING HOLES! Magical sparkles BUUUUUURRRRRN!

But Wish and I still get along great! I mean, WE BOTH LIKE PANDAS! You can't get any closer than that! We're, like, soul mates or something! And also, if we eat lots and lots and lots of food, we can't get fat, so neither of us will ever be pandas! WHY DOES THE WORLD HAVE TO BE SUCH A MEANIE?

Anyway, I'm running out of space and peppiness so I'm gonna stop writing on your guts for now diary, so BACK UNDER THE MATTRESS YOU GO!

Hugs, Kisses, and RAINBOW SPRINKLES!

**A/N: So there ya go. There's gonna be one for all the members of the Rainbow Squad with maybe a bit of cute, cuddly insanity in between so STAY TUNED!**

**Oh and if you don't review, Sora will lose his Sharpies and won't be able to write in his pretty pink diary anymore. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ;)**


	7. Cat Fur Tastes Yucky

**A/N: okay, my poll on my profile said you guys wanted me to update this most, so I'll try, even if I'm not feeling so super sparkly today (My pinky's cramping, what do you expect).**

I/Don't care/What day it is

Hello there, my sweet cupcake and sharpie scented book filled with all of my precious thoughts and cherished memories! Roxy stole you again and entered a weird date on top of all the pages so now I can't change it… But oh well, who cares about time when you have fluffy hair like mine? Hehe… so fluffy… I'm petting it now and it's like I have a ton of bunnies on my head! IT'S THAT FLUFFY!

But you know, Diary. There's something that isn't really fluffy that I have to deal with now. And no it's not my muffin flavored jello! I love that stuff, even if everyone else says it's unnatural! I was talking about the biker who had come to become my friend yesterday, I think her name was Alan.

No… Not Alan, that's one of those singing chipmunks… No, that's Alvin! But the biker person/lady/meanie was called Alain! Yeah she's a big meanie to me and the imaginary panda pixies who live on my shoulders and tell me good things to do. Because pandas can do no wrong.

But that Alain kid is not a panda. She's not fluffy, or nice, or smiley, or fat, and she doesn't even eat big chunks of bamboo and have lots of pictures of herself on T-shirts! Neither do I, but I'm just a panda in training!

First, she was so mean to me! She told me to… to… Shut up! She told me to shut up! That is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me!

…Okay, Roxy saw me write that and he said he can say a lot meaner things than that, so now he's insulting me and- Gasp! ROXY JUST SAID, LIKE, FIVE DIRTY-WORDIES IN ONE SENTENCE! And he's still talking! I don't even know what half the words he's saying are, but I think he called me an ugly dolphin in French or something!

Okay, so maybe Alain isn't as mean as Roxy can be, but she was still mean! She didn't even act like she wanted to be my friend, and when I complemented her biker-like appearance, she got all annoyed looking and said to shut up!

And you know what happened next, Diary? Riku actually LET HER JOIN MY CLUB OF WONDERFUL ANGELIC CHILDREN! She is not wonderful nor is she angelic!

Actually, that's not what happened. First everyone was staring at me mine for boogers in my magical face cave, and THEN he let her join. RIKU, WHY?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

Roxy's looking at me again, but he has one eyebrow raised. Like it can fly but the other one can't and it's taunting it. I used the word 'it' a lot then. It it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it just got reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy awkward in here, Diary…

But that Alain kid thinks she's so great with her gloves and her biker-boots and her pretty red hair… and now Roxy's looking at me weird again. He just asked if I was having trouble making a decision. A decision on what? I was just ranting to my pretty pink diary… OMG THAT'S YOU DIARY! You are pretty and pink!

But now that `Ku made Alain an honorary Rainbow Squad member, I guess I have to deal with her… OH WAIT! MAYBE THIS ISN'T SO BAD! I could get her to try the jello in the back if the fridge for me so I know if it tastes like Mr. Whiskers or not! Mr. Whiskers may be fluffy, but he is not tasty.

I still have cat fur on my tongue… Yucky!


	8. Zexy Keeps Strawberry Jam Under his Skin

**A/N: An update for my lovely little readers. Surprisingly, I felt like writing this after reading a somewhat dark, intense, AkuRoku. Huh. I'm weird ;P**

**Oh my gods... We've reached 50 reviews. CUPCAKES FOR EVERY ONE! :D**

**I own nothing except the weird language only Sora and his diary speak (Soranese. I hope that's not a name of an actual language o.O)**

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1/9/13

Hey there, dear sweet diary! It's been forever since I graced your sparkly guts with my panda-tastic presence! But that's okay, `cuz I'm here now and as rainbow-y as ever! Roxy keeps saying that those aren't words, but he's clearly not fluent in Soranese, is he?

Le gasp! Diary, you know how old people would keep diaries and die and then people would find their diaries and write books about them? Well what if that happens when I finally die after building schools for under-privileged dolphins, finding a cure for armpit hair, and feeding pizza to little birdies as an old man? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

It means I have to explain what Soranese is! It's a language that only the most perfect, cuddly, and adorable creatures can learn! Here are a few words to get you started:

Panda-tastic: A word used to describe someone/thing in a positive way. Like pandas, who are always positive :D (Yes, I can put smilies in a dictionary entry!).

Rainbow-y: A descriptor word that means that the descript-ee is radiating so much happiness that you can practically see the rainbows around them.

Sora: A super cute, cuddly, panda-tastic, rainbow-y, one-of-a-kind little boy who wrote all of this!

Sprinkle-sprakle-sparkle: Um… I don't know what this one means, but it sounds magical!

Hopefully, you weird people who are reading this after I have ascended to the clouds to have tea with the Queen and Mr. Stuffles (he's a giant teddy bear) have a basic idea of Soranese. It should be taught as basic curriculum in all schools across the big, beautiful world.

Anyway, back to talking with my buddy Diary here, Roxas has been acting weird lately. He won't talk to me unless Mommy makes him and he spends almost all his time hanging out with those weird guys he hangs out with! Mommy said that was redundant, but I don't know what that means, so I'm just gonna smile cutely at her for a while!

…Mommy left. She said I was creeping her out or something. BUT I'M NOT CREEPY, I'M SORA! I'M THE DEFINITION OF PERFECTION AND THE ENVY OF ALL PANDAS! Mommy says that sometimes, she wonders if I'm human. I wonder that too. I'll bet I came from a unicorn egg that was stolen by humans and sold on the pink market! I've heard people say black market before, but I like pink better, so now it's the pink market!

There was this one time that I was walking by an alleyway, and it just looked so dark and cold and lonely, so I bought a ton of pink paint and scented candles and made magic happen! I painted the entire alley pink and lit the scented candles in it so it wouldn't get dark! It was sooooooo beautiful! And it smelled like cookie dough!

Cookie dough is really yummy, don't you think so, Diary? But today I had to eat something that wasn't so good… If my tummy had a face, it would've curled up into a big, sad, pout!

Tonight my mommy made this big brown thing called "Meatloaf" and she made me eat an entire piece! I didn't want to, because something so mean and boring looking that didn't have any pink on it can't taste good, but I had to eat the whole thing anyway. It was mushy and tasted like depression. Like Zexion. He tastes just like depression. I know because one time, I bit his arm because he insulted my interior decoration style and wouldn't apologize! I kept biting him until he oozed strawberry jam and screamed at me. How rude! It's not my fault he stores his jam under his skin!

Well my mommy's calling me, so I gotta go. Bye bye, Diary and creeping old losers who are reading this after I'm dead! I don't know you, but I'm sure you're good people. Now go and make sure you didn't leave the oven on at home or something.

Just a tip from a future (or past, if I'm dead) stay-at-home daddy! TELL MY HALF UNICORN BABIES I LOVE THEM!

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**A/N: Yes, Sora dreams of being a stay at home dad. How cute.**

**I ate meatloaf tonight, and it was delicious, I don't know what's wrong with Sora! …But am I really the only young person who likes meatloaf? Cartoons seem to say so…**

**Anyway, reviews make me happy, and making people happy makes you a good person!**


	9. I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE WATER BENDER!

**A/N: I totally forgot to do a chapter about Kai… Oh well, here it is. Short and sweet and super speedy!**

**Heheh… I love alliteration. And yes, this is an update, two days in a row. No, this won't be a regular thing :( I can't write chapters THAT fast.**

**Oh and it looks like a bunch of my youthful reviewers like meatloaf. No wonder I love you guys ;D**

**I own nothing and Kai belongs to BLOo KiSsEs**

**Warning: Axel uses a microwave for evil.**

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1/10/13

Hey there Diary, I'm back already! I've been meaning to tell you about this awesome new friend I made. Well, I didn't create him, but I met him. His name is Kai and you'll never guess what he is!

HE'S A STINKING WATER BENDER! Like from Avatar (not the blue people, silly, but he does wear a lot of blue). He crashed against my window and made it fog up just like Katara would! IT'S SO AWESOME! And he even made water pour into the sink JUST BY TURNING THE KNOB A LITTLE TEENSY BIT! It was PANDA-TASTIC!

But anyway, we hang out a lot now, cuz he's really fun and sparkly like me and Wish. We all eat chips, play board games Roxy says are for five year olds, and get fat together! IT'S LIKE, TOTALLY GREAT!

I'm a teensy bit worried about Riku, though. He seems more pouty than usual and when I ask him what's wrong, he says it's nothing. I haven't been seeing as much of him lately which isn't so sparkly. But I bet he's just been busy with homework or something. He's really smart like that.

But then, Roxy told me that when people are acting sad, but say that nothing's wrong, they're lying. *Gasp* THAT MEANS RIKU LIED TO ME! That's not possible though, Riku's too panda-tastic for lying! I guess Roxy was just being a butt face, huh?

Heheh… I just imagined Roxy with a butt for a face. It's really funny, but if I think about it for too long, I start freaking out. I mean what if a mad scientist kidnapped Roxy and swapped his butt and his face? That would be so weird and Roxy's head would be stuck in his pants all day long, and that's no fun. I should know, because one time, Axel shoved my head in a pair of pants and I got stuck. I was in there for HOURS and nobody helped me! In fact, Roxy, Zexy, Axel, and all their weird friends took a video of me rolling around and screaming with jeans on my head. IT WAS A TWO HOUR VIDEO! I almost DIED tanks to them, and all they did was laugh! My eyes leaked for a long time after that…

OMG I WONDER IF KAI CAN SHOOT TEAR RAYS FROM HIS EYES! He is a water bender and stuff after all. Does that mean he can stop himself from crying if he wants, too? But that's a bad idea, because if you don't cry all of the tears will well up inside or you and you'll go BOOM just like my hamsters did after Axel stuffed them in the microwave… I covered them in band aids but they had already left for tea with the Queen…

I'LL MISS YOU PRINCESS AND ROY! Those were their names. I found `em in a garbage can!

Well I'm getting tired now and all this thinking about my hamsters is making me sad… Oh well, I'm sure the Queen is giving them their favorite kibble!

NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM BYE!


	10. Mommy's Day Suprise!

**A/N: I feel I should update a lot of stuff today since I wasted my entire time on the internet yesterday on tumblr and ifunny. Yeah, I'm so productive ;) Rainbow-tastic Sora powers ACTIVATE!**

**I. OWN. NOTHING.**

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5/12/13

DIARY, DIARY, I JUST FIGURED OUT SOMETHING AMAZING! Apparently, there's a whole holiday dedicated to mommies! It's called Mother's Day, but I think it should be called Mommy's Day because 'mother' sounds too stuck up and butt-face like. I mean who calls their mommy "mother"? Mommy is much more sweet and cuddly, and everyone knows mommies love things that are sweet and cuddly! That is why I'm nominating myself to be the Mommy's Day mascot! I don't have any votes yet, but I'm sure they'll come around eventually!

But things didn't go over too well today, and it's all that dumb Axel's fault! And now my mommy is mad at ME about it! And you know what? Roxy didn't even try to defend me. I think Axel might be brain-washing my sweet big brother!

Anyway, this is basically what happened: I woke up in the morning being perfect as always when I noticed Roxas going through my underwear drawer. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he hid the card he was going to give Mommy for Mommy's Day in there and he needed it since that was today.

And then I was all like "What's Mommy's Day, Roxy, I've never heard of that! Oh potato poops, was I supposed to get Mommy something?"

And then Roxy rolled his eyes at me (the nerve! I just asked a question!) and was like "It's Mother's Day, Sora, and yeah you had to give her a gift. You should know this; we go through this every year!"

Then I was in shock, because I didn't remember this ever happening before, so then I started thinking I had brain damage or amnesia! But then Roxy hit me in the head with his card and told me to get dressed.

So while I was putting on my adorable little clothes, I was freaking out. What if Mommy decides she doesn't love me anymore because I didn't get her a gift? What if she abandons me? Or worse: what if she makes Roxas the favorite?! I don't think I can handle that level of rejection, diary!

When I'd finished getting dressed, I went down stairs and you'll never guess who I saw Roxy talking with! It was Axel! Axel. In. My. House. I was still made at him for exploding my pets, so I don't know what Roxy was thinking inviting him into our home. So I confronted them about this, but the Axel said he was here to help me make my mommy a last minute Mommy's day present while she was out shopping. I was really exciting, but Roxas kept giggling for some reason as Axel told me what to do.

This was his plan, which I executed flawlessly:

1. Sprinkle glitter everywhere

2. Light a bunch of candles

3. Get naked and cover my beautiful body in a white table cloth

4. Apply mommy's make up to my magical face

5 Stand on the dining room table and wait for her to come home!

After that, Axel and Roxas left, so I just stood cutely on the table for a few hours. Eventually, I let out this really big sigh, and suddenly my table cloth dress was on fire! I started panicking because I didn't want my adorableness to be tainted with burns, so I ran around in a circle really fast like I was Super-Sora!

By the time my table cloth dress had gotten really short, my mommy walked in through the front door and saw me. She must've been shocked by how awesome my gift of cuteness to her was because she dropped her groceries and started trying to say something but couldn't. The flames must've complimented my natural good looks so well that it left her speechless!

But then she ran into the kitchen and started spraying me and everything else with water! I was all wet and pouty! And my beautiful candles were put out too, even though I had worked so hard to light them! (matches are confusing...). After that my mommy gave me a big hug and it felt great! But then she slapped me and started yelling really fast so I couldn't tell what she was saying! Then she told me to go to my room so I did and I started crying and writing in your guts, Diary.

And now we've caught up to the present! Roxas still hasn't come back yet and I think my mommy's still mad… I don't like it when Mommy's mad at me, Diary! It doesn't make sense since I am so clearly perfect!

I just don't know why Mommy didn't like her gift… I know, I'll just have to try to bake her a cake tomorrow!

5/13/13

I tried baking a cake, Diary, but everything caught on fire again and I got sent to my room again. Fire must really like me, don't you think? It's like it's stalking me and breaks into my house when I try to make something for Mommy because it wants to be my one true love and not share me with my mommy!

I don't like stalkers, especially when that stalker is fire. Because fire is NOT cuddly. It gave me boo-boos on my hands…


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